Fun Fact

Rated R Medieval Military Tactic

“I’m just trolling” is a somewhat polite and cute way to say that you’re just being a dick on the internet. Even though this term, troll, tends to diminish or devalue the harm done by so-called and self-proclaimed trolls, trolls today holds nothing on the ultimate troll master from 1098, Bohemond of Taranto. Only 90’s kids can remember.

The Byzantine princess, Anna Comnena, had already observed that Bohemond was one of a kind when she stated that “a certain charm hung about this man but is partly marred by a general air of the horrible.” However, what he did to insure the capture of Antioch really puts him on another level amongst the great military minds of history.

The rumor spread that Turks had infiltrated the camp and where reporting on the crusaders’ every moves. When it was brought to the kind attention of Bohemond, he said, and I’m making this up for the good of the story: “Fear not, my friends, for there shall be spies no more once I’m done with them.” As a matter of fact, or so the legend goes, they all fled overnight!

What follows is rated R. So hide your kids, you will not find this on Wikipidia.

How did Bohemond manage to get rid of the Turk spies so quickly and effectively? First, he gathered a few of them like sheep you herd for slaughter. Then, he introduced them to his cook. The cook cut down their jaws then proceeded to slide them onto a massive skewer, just like pigs. The Turk spies were roasted over a fire, barbecue style.

Bohemond likes the Happy Tree Friends

People came to look from all over camp at that macabre spectacle and see for themselves if what they said was true. Bohemond had turned cannibal! Horrified at the idea to end the same way, all the spies left in camp ran away once dusk settled into night. That was one less problem for the Crusaders. Bohemond had then no problem to secure his secret commando operation to capture the tower of mount Silpius with the help of an inside man, which lead him to conquer the city of Antioch eventually.

Where did I find this fun fact?
René Grousset, L’épopée des coisades. Paris: Perrin, 2002, p. 35.
Not the best book on the topic, but it’s very well written and therefore quite entertaining while remaining fairly informative.